Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Caroline asks the questions

Caroline Fanshaw interviews her husband, Robert on the publication of his latest novel-length memoir, Shameless Exposure.

Caroline:  I want some straight answers, Robert. I notice that you gloss over your first visit to Castle Dunlaggin and in particular your relationship with the models Joni, Greta, and Georgina. Did something happen you’re not telling me about?

Robert:  When I’m writing a book I can’t include everything that happened, much as I might like to. I don’t deny that I found them very attractive, Georgina in particular. She was so symmetrical, perfect she said for bikini shoots. The flowing robes worn by the acolytes sat well on her tall frame. She said she only there to lose weight, but she looked good to me. Joni, on the other hand, took the programme very seriously. She really believed in the spirit guides.

Caroline:  Why on earth did you go there in the first place? Don’t you feel embarrassed that you were taken in by Regina Heart’s bogus cult?

Robert:  I wouldn’t say I was taken in by it. My legal training means I try to keep an open mind. I leave judging people down to the judge. I often take cases which seem far fetched, but the client deserves to be represented. It’s easy to judge these things with hindsight, but at the time the Orgatron training regime was gaining converts all over the world. Don’t pretend you weren’t tempted. If not, why did you audition for high priestess?

Caroline:  I’m the one asking the questions, Robert. And it wasn’t an audition. It was ordeal. He was the quite biggest, roughest man I have ever seen. Where was I? Oh yes; how did you persuade Angus to ferry you back to the island on the night of the solstice moon ceremony?

Robert:  Double malt whiskies were the key. Good man, Angus. He knew I’d drown if I tried to go across alone. We nearly did drown when the boat smashed into the slipway.

Caroline: Bogus philosophy aside, do you think anyone benefited from Regina’s Orgatron training?

Robert: I’d have to say yes. Wouldn’t you? I mean, sex is fantastic since you did the practice. And Jocasta says she is a changed woman. I thought at the time that Regina was being much too harsh with Jocasta, but the sessions in the dungeon and on the rack seemed to cure her completely.

Shameless Exposure, the second book in the 'My Wife Caroline' series, is published by Steam eReads and available on Amazon via this link:

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

Friends of the Animus Vagismus

My name is Linda Bolsover and I work for CI5, the investigation branch of the Charity Commission. Not many people know we exist, but we were set up in response to concerns that some individuals and organisations were using charities as fronts for illegal activities and tax avoidance.

Robert has asked me to contribute a few words about my involvement in exposing Regina Heart's charity, Friends of the Animus Vagismus (charity number 43798). The full account appears in Robert's book, Shameless Exposure. Robert makes the work of a CI5 agent sound very exciting, but the reality is more mundane, and I spend much more time analysing computer files at a desk in London than in undercover fieldwork.

Just occasionally, though, I am grateful for the commando exercises which the operatives at CI5 undertake at the Parachute Regiment training camp. I certainly needed all my physical strength to escape from the prison pit at Castle Dunlaggin by scaling the rough walls and removing the heavy metal grill to access the castle courtyard.

I had been thrown into the cell by Regina's female guards, who she referred to as Wimples, reflecting the tall conical headgear they wore to distinguish themselves from regular proselytes. The Wimples had caught me going through the drawers in Regina's desk whilst everyone else was occupied in connecting with their animal spirits at the winter solstice moon ceremony. It would be hard to explain the fervour of that ceremony to anyone who hasn't been there, but Robert does give some hint of the techniques the acolytes employed. I had to participate in the preparatory programme myself in order to remain undercover. Let's just say it was an education. Whilst not subscribing myself to Regina's philosophy, I do think the daily practice has led to better orgasms.

The Wimples didn't know that I had already broken Regina's password and found the files I was looking for. Once I had broken free from the cell I made my way back to the great hall where the ceremony was reaching, quite literally, its climax. I won't give away the end, but everyone knows that Regina is awaiting trial and could serve up to five years if found guilty. That night was one of the most satisfying of my life, both professionally and personally.

Robert took an enormous risk himself when agreeing to help me investigate Regina's cult. We all saw things we will never forget, and Robert nearly drowned when risking the boat journey back to the Isle of Mura in dark and windy conditions. It is in moments of extreme stress that lasting friendships are formed. Perhaps, after all, there is a special power in the animus vagismus.

Read the books:    (UK)   (Rest of the World)

Tuesday, 12 November 2013


Should a book contain a 'Foreword'? Why not just plunge straight in with Chapter One? Is it part of the story or not? Fair question. And the answer is, yes and no. No, because the novel Shameless Exposure, published by Steam eReads and available via the link below stands complete in itself. Yes, because it is part of a larger landscape, the Shameless series, a set of stories which share some familiar characters, some common themes, and some scenes Caroline would rather forget ever happened. Here is the Foreword to Shameless Exposure:
Soon after the Eurobonds affair I received an email from Herbert von
Wolfswinkle. He explained that around the time the loans were made
to Monsaint, Melody had applied to join the Inner Circle. She wanted
access to the private parties for stressed-out bankers and politicians.
Von Wolfswinkle vetted her application and turned it down:
Miss Bigger lacked the necessary discretion to become a member of our society.
She did not forgive me for turning her down. Be careful of that Bigger
woman. If she perceives you have slighted her, she will seek to destroy you
like she sought to destroy me. Please give my felicitations to your lovely wife
Caroline, and tell her she is welcome to visit me at the IMF when she is next
in New York. I will be honoured to show her the inner workings of this great
institution. Regards, HvW.
I replied to sender, thanking Herbert for completing the jigsaw. I didn’t
tell Caroline about the invitation to visit the IMF, or about his warning.
I wish I had.

Read more than the Foreword on Amazon:    (UK)   (Rest of the World)

Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Caroline Speaks

"Sometimes I don’t listen to Robert but I certainly don’t remember him saying he was going to ask Steam eReads to publish the latest details of the ups and downs of our marriage. I have only just stopped blushing from the reaction to Shameless Ambition. I am pleased to say that most readers sided with me, though I’m not sure they will this time. I did let everything get on top of me, including the biggest man I have ever seen, and I made some bad judgements. Robert, of course, never makes bad judgements (snigger).

He doesn’t give me a formal credit, but he let me write the first and last chapters of Exposure. It’s the first time I’ve written anything apart from the financial commentary to the annual report, but I quite enjoyed doing it, recalling details that would otherwise have slipped into oblivion. Robert makes such a fuss about writing and spends ages at the computer, but I found it easy, just talking into a machine. I hope you will like my style. And before you ask, yes, I did go to the wrong address. It was a genuine mistake.

Robert asked me to read the book when it was finished. When I put the e-Reader down, he asked me if it was a fair reflection of what happened. I couldn’t answer right away, I had to drag him off to bed first. But when I had got my breath back I said I thought he had captured the mood of the time. Everyone was talking about Regina Heart’s programme using Orgatron training to increase the power of the female orgasm. Everyone thought that Friends of the Animus Vagismus was a genuine charity dedicated to releasing and harnessing the ancient power of the animal spirits. The acolytes who attended the monthly moon ceremonies at Regina’s main centre at Castle Dunlaggin really believed it enabled them to take control of their sexuality. The book includes some personal case studies.

But I know that, hidden beneath the froth of contemporary events, the book is really about me. About how I allowed an old flame to paint me naked for a charity calendar; about how a taste of the bohemian world of artists and musicians made me bored with business life; about how the new chief executive of Monsaint Medical Instruments turned out to be every bit as much a psychopath as the last one; and about how I let myself be lured by Regina Heart into a dangerous mental place, where I was offered a loyal following of thousands of acolytes. If it wasn’t for Robert, I might be chained to the walls in the dungeons of Castle Dunlaggin like poor Jocasta was.

Robert wanted to publish the book to expose Regina’s tax scam. This has meant revealing details which I would rather have remained private. But now it’s out in the open, I feel a sense of freedom, despite being so busy at work. We’re looking to expand into the Far East. I feel certain that my next new experience is just around the corner."

A version of this post first appeared on the Steam eReads website.

Shameless Ambition

Shameless Exposure

Who are these people?

The world is divided into voyeurs and exhibitionists... It takes one of each to make a good marriage.

Robert and Caroline Fanshaw are an ambitious young couple trying to make their way in a complex world.

What happens when their private affairs collide with world events and the big issues of our times? Drama, comedy and x-rated scenes.