"What happened next?" I asked. "You were going to tell me about the maid and the champagne."
"Oh God, Robert, I'm really tired. I didn't get much sleep last night. Can I tell you about it in the morning?"
"I didn't get much sleep last night either worrying about what you were up to."
"I wish you wouldn't worry. There's no need to. I'm not suddenly going to run off with another woman, or two other women as it turned out."
"Two?"
Caroline turned over and talked to the bedside table.
"Yes, it turned out to be a BOGOF. No money involved, of course, unless you count the £200,000 for the software upgrade. It was a while before I realised what was going on. At first I thought the blond was a real hotel maid. But then, the maid made a mess of opening the champagne and some splashed on my dress. Amber got really cross and started ordering the maid around.
"She told the maid to pat the wet patches on my dress with a towel. Well, she didn't just pat my breasts, she fondled them, and then the maid said I'd better take the dress off so she could get it cleaned by the morning. I turned around and Amber unzipped me and helped me out of the dress.
"Then Amber said, 'Lucy, I think you should show Caroline how sorry you are for spilling champagne all over her.' I twigged then that Lucy wasn't a real maid. Amber had brought her friend with her on the business trip. It turns out they share a house and a liking for night-time adventures. Day-time too, by the sound of things.
"Lucy had a lovely way of saying 'sorry'. It took ages and involved lots of kisses all over my body. I began to feel all gooey inside. I said 'Do you mind if I take off my underwear and lie on the bed? I'm feeling very relaxed.'
"I don't remember much about the next couple of hours except soft brown skin and soft white skin, and a moment when the three of us were in a jumble and there was this amazing cascade of hair on the pillows, red, black, and blond."
I asked: "What was the sex like? You know, without a penis." Caroline turned around and faced me.
"You see that misses the point entirely," said Caroline. "Sex is so much more than fiddling with the naughty bits. It was a lovely, sensual experience; there was lots of laughter and a little bit of something close to pain. There, satisfied now?"
"Not exactly," I said. "Now that you're properly awake..."
Thanks to Annie Oakfield for the loan of Amber and Lucy.
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